Buying Silence: Donor Sexual Assault at Nonprofit Organizations

Victims face additional peril when donor dollars are on the line.

The sexual assault I most remember is the one I least expected.

I was 29 years old, and alone with a stranger in his apartment. As a nonprofit fundraiser, the circumstance was not unusual. I met lots of donors, often alone in their homes, to update them on our efforts and ask for their support. As a queer man meeting queer donors, sometimes things got flirty, but I seldom, if ever, felt violated. Even if I had, years of experience in sleazy gay bars taught me how to play off an unwelcome advance. Or so I thought.

But this was different. This donor was not just heterosexual, he was a notorious ladies’ man. He attended our events in the company of various women, members of what he called “his stable.” He divorced his wife, he said, because he couldn’t be tied down. I expected dinner in the home of an unrepentant womanizer. Instead, once we were alone, his hands were all over me.

I’ve seldom shared this story. I never told my boss, or anyone else at the office. It wasn’t that I feared reprisal, it was more that I didn’t want to out a 70-something man. After I refused his advances, I stayed for dinner. We talked about his secret relationships with men he…