This is a good, honest read and I admire your healthy approach to your appearance. I often find people are too far to one extreme or the other — “You need to be hot or you’re worthless” versus “aesthetics are imposed by culture and working out is vanity.” The truth is most people are somewhere in between. I’m also someone who has been fit, but often slides to a place I’m unhappy with — and I’m a certified personal trainer! But looking a certain way (I’d say “good” but I’m avoiding value judgments here) is mainly for me. I feel better when I look a certain way, and sure maybe that’s imposed on me by culture, but I’d still rather feel good about myself.